Tell Me Why . . .
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Nothin' much as of late - but I do have a few funny observations from around Lexington.
Around a week ago my roommate Kristina & I went to the mall. We were walking around and enjoying all of the Christmas decorations when we slowed our roll if you will, because we got behind two elderly women. They were both wearing long, floral button-up dresses and hats; one had a walker and one had a cane. We were about to detour around them until I noticed a few things. First; the lady with the walker wasn't using it like she should have been. Instead of relying on the walker to help her walk she was shuffling it along the floor and being a bit dramatic about it. Also, this same lady had dusty brown hair in a messy ponytail. What older woman do you know who pulls her hair into a messy ponytail? It's apparently too haphazard a style for women over 65 so I knew their jig was up. I told my roommate we needed to figure them out so as they veered left we followed suit. When they stopped at a kiosk we maneuvered around them to catch a glimpse and my suspicions were confirmed. These elderly women were two 12 or 13 year old girls dressed up as senior citizens. Why, you might ask, would two tween girls (yes, I said tween) dress up as AARP members and head to the mall? I think if you put two or more girls together a lot of un-funny ideas become hilarious.
Case & point: I will not name names, but my freshman year of college my friends and I were hanging out in a south-campus dorm room. We decided we needed something to do so we made a Wal-Mart run to buy a contraband blender & strawberry daiquiri mix. Yeah, you know where this is going. Or do you? We snuck our shiny new blender up 14 floors to the end of the hall where we giggled and shut the door behind us. Most college kids would have then pulled out their alcohol stash. Not us. We blasted some music, probably Will Smith "Just The Two Of Us" or Robyn's "Show Me Love" as we mixed up our virgin daiquiris and danced around the room. Next up? A bit of grade-school trickery with vitamin C tablets. A friend and I convinced our two other friends to chew vitamin C tablets that were supposed to be swallowed. Sounds mundane, but I've got pictures of us laughing so hard we cried. Had to be there, I guess. To cap off our evening one girl in our group actually belted a pillow to her back, put on house shoes, wrapped all of her but her face in a hot pink fleece blanket & rode the elevator for about 30 minutes. What's funny about a coed hopping on a heavily trafficked dorm elevator dressed as the Hunchback of Notre Dame? A lot, if you're not her. Andrea (whoops, it slipped.) came back to the room completely traumatized after a guy on the elevator was convinced she was drunk. Why else, he must have thought, would this scenario be happening? Morals of the story: friends make everything funny & even virgin daiquiris can lead to bad decisions.
Next observation: today I was on campus and had to run in a building to drop something off. It was my lucky day because as soon as I got to campus the one building I needed to go in was having a fire scare. Police cars and fire engines were everywhere and the entire building had been evacuated. Perfect timing, Kinsley. (I call myself Kinsley. Or Gorgeous. Depends on my mood) I waited around outside the building until the hazard had cleared and we were allowed to enter. I needed to go to the 3rd floor so I headed for the elevator. (3 flights of stairs? Please.) While I was waiting for the elevator I witnessed typical middle-aged woman banter. One woman (a UK prof) said "Well that was invigorating!" to which another woman replied with a thick southern drawl "Yeah, my fingers are still invigged." I bit my lip as the elevator doors opened. We all squeezed inside (no lie, we were teetering close to the maximum capacity) and more hilarity ensued. There were about 10 of us in this elevator, including a woman and her two small children; a boy and a girl about 6 and 4. The mother had her back to the little boy, who was just as tall as the mother's booty. The elevator ride must have been bumpy on her side because she wobblin' like a Weeble (anyone? anyone?). The boy got a faceful and said "Mom, why are you bumping me?" and his mother said "Because I'm trying to keep you in here, I don't want you to leave this elevator without me." and he replied "But your butt is hitting me in the face." His mother, without missing a beat shot back with "Yeah, that's why God put it there." The UK prof (still in the elevator) said "Haha, Oh to be young. If it's not because your mom says so, God did it for a reason."
I had a few more stories to tell, but I'll save those for a slow day.
Around a week ago my roommate Kristina & I went to the mall. We were walking around and enjoying all of the Christmas decorations when we slowed our roll if you will, because we got behind two elderly women. They were both wearing long, floral button-up dresses and hats; one had a walker and one had a cane. We were about to detour around them until I noticed a few things. First; the lady with the walker wasn't using it like she should have been. Instead of relying on the walker to help her walk she was shuffling it along the floor and being a bit dramatic about it. Also, this same lady had dusty brown hair in a messy ponytail. What older woman do you know who pulls her hair into a messy ponytail? It's apparently too haphazard a style for women over 65 so I knew their jig was up. I told my roommate we needed to figure them out so as they veered left we followed suit. When they stopped at a kiosk we maneuvered around them to catch a glimpse and my suspicions were confirmed. These elderly women were two 12 or 13 year old girls dressed up as senior citizens. Why, you might ask, would two tween girls (yes, I said tween) dress up as AARP members and head to the mall? I think if you put two or more girls together a lot of un-funny ideas become hilarious.
Case & point: I will not name names, but my freshman year of college my friends and I were hanging out in a south-campus dorm room. We decided we needed something to do so we made a Wal-Mart run to buy a contraband blender & strawberry daiquiri mix. Yeah, you know where this is going. Or do you? We snuck our shiny new blender up 14 floors to the end of the hall where we giggled and shut the door behind us. Most college kids would have then pulled out their alcohol stash. Not us. We blasted some music, probably Will Smith "Just The Two Of Us" or Robyn's "Show Me Love" as we mixed up our virgin daiquiris and danced around the room. Next up? A bit of grade-school trickery with vitamin C tablets. A friend and I convinced our two other friends to chew vitamin C tablets that were supposed to be swallowed. Sounds mundane, but I've got pictures of us laughing so hard we cried. Had to be there, I guess. To cap off our evening one girl in our group actually belted a pillow to her back, put on house shoes, wrapped all of her but her face in a hot pink fleece blanket & rode the elevator for about 30 minutes. What's funny about a coed hopping on a heavily trafficked dorm elevator dressed as the Hunchback of Notre Dame? A lot, if you're not her. Andrea (whoops, it slipped.) came back to the room completely traumatized after a guy on the elevator was convinced she was drunk. Why else, he must have thought, would this scenario be happening? Morals of the story: friends make everything funny & even virgin daiquiris can lead to bad decisions.
Next observation: today I was on campus and had to run in a building to drop something off. It was my lucky day because as soon as I got to campus the one building I needed to go in was having a fire scare. Police cars and fire engines were everywhere and the entire building had been evacuated. Perfect timing, Kinsley. (I call myself Kinsley. Or Gorgeous. Depends on my mood) I waited around outside the building until the hazard had cleared and we were allowed to enter. I needed to go to the 3rd floor so I headed for the elevator. (3 flights of stairs? Please.) While I was waiting for the elevator I witnessed typical middle-aged woman banter. One woman (a UK prof) said "Well that was invigorating!" to which another woman replied with a thick southern drawl "Yeah, my fingers are still invigged." I bit my lip as the elevator doors opened. We all squeezed inside (no lie, we were teetering close to the maximum capacity) and more hilarity ensued. There were about 10 of us in this elevator, including a woman and her two small children; a boy and a girl about 6 and 4. The mother had her back to the little boy, who was just as tall as the mother's booty. The elevator ride must have been bumpy on her side because she wobblin' like a Weeble (anyone? anyone?). The boy got a faceful and said "Mom, why are you bumping me?" and his mother said "Because I'm trying to keep you in here, I don't want you to leave this elevator without me." and he replied "But your butt is hitting me in the face." His mother, without missing a beat shot back with "Yeah, that's why God put it there." The UK prof (still in the elevator) said "Haha, Oh to be young. If it's not because your mom says so, God did it for a reason."
I had a few more stories to tell, but I'll save those for a slow day.
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